Victoria Maus

[Victoria Maus]

Hey, I know that there are a few of us with narcissistic mothers (and I totally get why not everyone wants to post about it) so I thought I’d drop back in and say that I finished Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Stephanie M. Kriesberg.

It was a really useful book, but definitely one that I had to read slowly and keep coming back to. There are lots of journal prompts throughout the book, it definitely gave me a lot to think about but I also think that just having lost my Dad I wasn’t in the strongest place emotionally to be looking back over my childhood. I’m not sure that all of the scenarios really resonated with me either, but generally speaking I found it to be a helpful book.

I’m glad that I’m starting to come to terms with who my mother is, but at the same time it feels hopeless too. I think it’s a journey I’ll be on for much of my life, while she’s oblivious!

[Victoria Maus]

Just wanted to come back to this and say that I upgraded the Tapping Solution app and I’m getting so much out of it! I’m currently listening to Nick Ortner’s first book through the app and doing at least two tapping meditations every day. Just having access to all of the audiobooks makes the app worth the money for me.

I’m amazed at the range of meditations available on the full version of the app… there’s even one for endometriosis which I’m keen to try next time I’m in pain. I’ve been tapping on a range of issues and I’m really feeling a shift in how I’m feeling. I feel like it really is clearing out some emotional baggage that I wasn’t even really aware of!

[Victoria Maus]

I know this is an old thread, but thank you for sharing this link Genevieve. I have a close friend who is currently navigating a difficult divorce and she is, understandably, concerned about how this is affecting her two year old son.

[Victoria Maus]

I did share it with my daughters a few days ago, and I’m encouraging my ten year old to try it when she wakes in the night. She seems to go through phases of not sleeping well at the moment (I wonder whether the onset of puberty is around the corner) and at the moment she’s waking a couple of times a night and struggling to fall asleep again.

I’ve been modelling tapping with them both at bedtime which is a nice way to settle them both. Hoping it starts to help with this night time waking too. It certainly can’t hurt!

[Victoria Maus]

I downloaded The Tapping Solution app yesterday and I’ve tried three different tapping meditations on it now. It did help me to feel more positive and more energised! I like to meditate anyway, although the habit has fallen away over the past year, so this feels like meditation with a bit extra.

I’m new to EFT, having only read it about it after Genevieve mentioned it in one of the Zoom calls a few months ago, but I’m going to try to spend at least ten minutes every day to do this for myself. I’m very interested to see how tapping helps me to respond to pain, and also wonder if it would help my husband with his migraines.

I can certainly see the benefits it would have for my daughters (and clients) so I’m going to share it with them as well.

Thank you for drawing my attention to this technique @peacefulparent – it feels like something I should have been doing for a long time now 🙂

[Victoria Maus]

I’ve only just seen your reply Genevieve. To be honest I think this issue has pretty well resolved itself, at least most nights. The girls are fairly happy that they can chat to us when we come up to say goodnight at 9pm (and show us what they’ve been doing) and we’ve been spending more time together with them so that now they have about an hour together upstairs after their story.

I will definitely check out the Bedtime Struggles audio though, thank you for pointing it out 🙂

[Victoria Maus]

Hope it’s ok to reply to this old thread, but I wanted to say I really enjoyed the unit on family meetings!

We started weekly family meetings about four months ago (after I did an online Waldorf homeschooling course) and we have them on Sunday mornings over a breakfast of croissants.

After watching the video, I realised that actually our family meetings are a little more like a staff briefing! We’ve been talking about what’s happening in the week ahead, or addressing little problems anyone has. On one hand, it’s been a positive thing to do but now I realise that this practise could go much deeper and be truly beneficial by bringing in our daughters’ needs and wants.

I’m looking forward to this Sunday where I’ll be ready with my worksheet! I think the fact that we’d already started meetings means that everyone will be ready and willing to participate. We’re going to try and make some plans for the week ahead using Genevieve’s format. It’ll be really interesting to see what my daughters both bring to this 😊

Would love to know how others approach their family meetings and how they’re working for you?

[Victoria Maus]

Thank you Genevieve. I appreciate having this space to explore these feelings, even though it’s something I have tried to avoid in the past. I found our conversation about this so helpful and comforting.

[Victoria Maus]

I feel incredibly lucky when it comes to my relationship with my husband. We have shared values and life goals and so always feel as if we’re on the same page. Before we had our daughters we had plenty of conversations about how we wanted to raise children and I’m so pleased that peaceful parenting was the natural choice for us both.

I’ve joined this group just to share ideas and thoughts with others really. I’m always happy to keep on working on my marriage, I don’t want to assume that things will always be rosy without putting in some effort.

[Victoria Maus]

I’m a HUGE fan of Brené Brown! In fact I started listening to one of her audiobooks earlier today, Dare To Lead. I listened to Braving the Wilderness a couple of weeks ago. I love that she reads them herself, I could listen to her for hours. There’s certainly a lot to take from her work for the benefit of all of our relationships. Have you seen her Netflix talk?

[Victoria Maus]

Hi

I’ve worked through the course except for Unit 4 (Beyond Punishment and Reward). When I click on it, it keeps saying it isn’t available yet. It initially said to check back in 22 hours and when the countdown finished, it started again!

Help!

[Victoria Maus]

I’m on Unit 4: Putting it into Action. I found this a really useful worksheet to go through. I’ve realised that what they doing is looking for the connection that we have with each other during the day, where I do want them to tell me about things and show me what they’re doing. I’ve come away from this exercise feeling very grateful that they get excited and want to share things with me, instead of feeling annoyed!

Recurring problem or conflict

Eleanor (9) and Phoebe (7) keep on coming up and down the stairs in the evening when they are meant to stay in their room for the hour or so before bed. Their reason is usually to ask us to come and look at something they’ve built (LEGO, wooden blocks, etc) or see something they’ve drawn or written. A couple of nights ago they’d decided to write little letters for us so they were delivering them to the living room door and running away again!

For context, they go up and get ready for bed at around 7:30 (no issues). They have a bedtime story read to them for at least 20-30 minutes (read by Daddy) and then they have time to play for a while or watch TV.

[The TV is actually a computer monitor with time-controlled access to Netflix/Prime. It’s a recent addition and was put into their bedroom during the first UK lockdown when we all needed our own space a little more. We have no issues with the TV but felt like I should clarify!]

How do I feel when this happens?
* Frustrated

What do I need?
* Independence

What information would help?
What do other families do at bedtime with similarly aged children?

Does this remind me of my own childhood? How would my parents have handled this?
I was not allowed to come downstairs once I had been sent up to bed. I was expected to watch TV/read until 9pm and then go straight to sleep. I would not have come out of my room unless going to the toilet, or feeling ill. If I had come downstairs I would have been told off (shouted at if repeat offence) and it’s fairly likely I’d have had something taken off me until I stopped doing it; probably the time given to watch TV/read.

Tools?
* Breathe

How does my child feel?
* Excited

What does my child need?
* Connection
* Acceptance
* Love

What information does my child need?
* What we expect from our bedtime routine
* Why we grown ups need some time without children

Tools?
* Quality time

How might we try to solve this?
*Loving limit: Remind the girls our our agreement for bedtime; that they can play or watch TV before settling down for about an hour but that they are supposed to stay upstairs. Empathise that they do sometimes get excited about something they’ve drawn/built/watched/etc. but that it’s not the right time to share that. Acknowledge that we love them and are interested in what they do but that we also need time together to decompress from a day of home education.
* Problem solve: Ask the girls what they think we should do if there is something they want to share with us during the evening. Maybe we could spend ten minutes chatting just before they get into bed? This would give them plenty of time to tell us about their game, or show us what they’ve built, etc. This would honour the connection they seek whilst respecting our boundaries.

Tools?
* Loving limits
* “I” messages

[Victoria Maus]

Hello everyone 👋🏻

I’m Victoria, but you can call me Toria, and I’m so excited to be here for the Instructor Training! I’m in Birmingham in the UK and I’m mummy to two wonderful daughters; Eleanor is 9 years old and Phoebe is 7 years old. Until I had my eldest daughter I was a primary school teacher but I gave it up to be a full time parent. I’m married to a wonderfully supportive man, Andy, and we also run an IT business together.

In July 2019 we took our daughters out of school to be home educated. I won’t go into it here, but if anyone’s interested I did write a blog post about why! It was a life-changing decision in the absolute best way.

What I thought I knew about education has been completely turned on its head and I’ve absolutely loved finding out about different educational styles. It’s led me here really; I want to put together what I know about education and parenting to run courses and workshops for home educating families. I feel that completing the Instructor training is going to give me a solid foundation to really help people.

When I’m not home educating my girls, I love to blog, sew and read. I look forward to getting to know you all in time 😊

[Victoria Maus]

I think I first read about mothers with NPD about five years ago and it was like my relationship with my mother suddenly made sense. I’ve always been aware that my relationship with my mom was very different to that of my friends and their moms, but I could never figure out why. What was I doing wrong? Since I was a teenager (when our relationship definitely shifted) I’ve questioned myself, I’ve thought I was the problem.

This video was so enlightening, it was like listening to someone who really understands me… the gaslighting, the emotional abuse, depression, anger… all of it. It’s not something I’m comfortable talking to anyone but my husband about because I feel shame; everyone else has this “normal” relationship whilst I don’t. I need to read more about NPD to fully understand and process what I’ve been through.

[Author]

Posts