It was only through starting my peaceful parenting journey that I realised that my mother is a narcissist. I’ve commented on this on the thread called The Mother Wound in the past.
I feel like even though I’ve been aware of this for a while, and saying I needed to find out more, I haven’t really had the strength to. Like all narcissists I guess, my mom is very good at gaslighting me and sucking me back into her world. So even though I’d identified that we have a toxic relationship, I didn’t feel able to do anything about it. I suppose I also thought that maybe I was overreacting to her behaviour towards me too.
Last week things really came to a head with her and I’ve finally found the strength to tell her that I won’t be treated like that any more. For context, I moved from UK to NZ two months ago and my Dad passed away a month ago. Her behaviour has been increasingly erratic towards me and I assume it’s because she’s losing control over me. Last week I had an incredible amount of abuse from her via Messenger because I’d (stupidly) asked for her help with something.
Since standing up to her, I haven’t heard from her at all. I really do feel like a weight has been lifted, although I’ve also felt guilt for feeling like that! A turning point for me was the realisation that I’m modelling to my daughters that it’s ok for someone to emotionally abuse you, as long as they say sorry. What kind of message is that?! I’m now ready to start healing and I’m about to start reading Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Stephanie M. Kriesberg.
If there is anyone else out these who has struggled with their relationship with their Mom in a similar way, let me reassure you that you are not the problem!
I’d love to know if anyone else has suggestions for further reading too 🙂
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