Narcissistic Mothers

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    • #12995
      Victoria Maus

      It was only through starting my peaceful parenting journey that I realised that my mother is a narcissist. I’ve commented on this on the thread called The Mother Wound in the past.

      I feel like even though I’ve been aware of this for a while, and saying I needed to find out more, I haven’t really had the strength to. Like all narcissists I guess, my mom is very good at gaslighting me and sucking me back into her world. So even though I’d identified that we have a toxic relationship, I didn’t feel able to do anything about it. I suppose I also thought that maybe I was overreacting to her behaviour towards me too.

      Last week things really came to a head with her and I’ve finally found the strength to tell her that I won’t be treated like that any more. For context, I moved from UK to NZ two months ago and my Dad passed away a month ago. Her behaviour has been increasingly erratic towards me and I assume it’s because she’s losing control over me. Last week I had an incredible amount of abuse from her via Messenger because I’d (stupidly) asked for her help with something.

      Since standing up to her, I haven’t heard from her at all. I really do feel like a weight has been lifted, although I’ve also felt guilt for feeling like that! A turning point for me was the realisation that I’m modelling to my daughters that it’s ok for someone to emotionally abuse you, as long as they say sorry. What kind of message is that?! I’m now ready to start healing and I’m about to start reading Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Stephanie M. Kriesberg.

      If there is anyone else out these who has struggled with their relationship with their Mom in a similar way, let me reassure you that you are not the problem!

      I’d love to know if anyone else has suggestions for further reading too 🙂

    • #13253
      Victoria Maus

      Hey, I know that there are a few of us with narcissistic mothers (and I totally get why not everyone wants to post about it) so I thought I’d drop back in and say that I finished Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Stephanie M. Kriesberg.

      It was a really useful book, but definitely one that I had to read slowly and keep coming back to. There are lots of journal prompts throughout the book, it definitely gave me a lot to think about but I also think that just having lost my Dad I wasn’t in the strongest place emotionally to be looking back over my childhood. I’m not sure that all of the scenarios really resonated with me either, but generally speaking I found it to be a helpful book.

      I’m glad that I’m starting to come to terms with who my mother is, but at the same time it feels hopeless too. I think it’s a journey I’ll be on for much of my life, while she’s oblivious!

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