Michelle Carnes

[Michelle Carnes]

Thank you so much Tabitha and Wendy for all the great insights and additional tools.

[Michelle Carnes]

Help! Rough night tonight for Sawyer (almost 4) and me. Out of the blue he hits me on the leg. I said ouch do not do that it hurts. Then he stuck out his tongue. I said no thank you Sawyer. Then he knocks over his and his sisters little chairs. I said Sawyer you seem really upset what is wrong. He ignores me and starts to draw on the table with a marker and I yelled ENOUGH ( I just couldn’t do it anymore) and he started to cry. I find myself resorting back to the yelling because it makes whatever is happening stop but I also know it hurts my kids. Please help me understand where he might be coming from? I know my thoughts were calm at first and when it just kept continuing I felt myself getting angry and then calm, then angry and calm and then I just resorted back to the old way. Very shortly after I yelled I said I was sorry for yelling and asked him if he wanted a hug. He said no and kept his distance. About 10 minutes later he was in my lap. When we laid down to go to bed he broke down crying and said Jordan ( a kid in his class) hit him in the head today with a shoe. He was wailing and I just held him and he finally fell asleep. Open to any input, comments and support. This is common for us just the events are slightly different. Thank you! Also is this the forum where I ask for this sort of help or do I private message one of the teachers?

[Michelle Carnes]

Wow This is hard! I find myself doing the active listening but I expect it to work sooner then it is and I get impatient. I find myself thinking ” man kid, I am really trying hard here to do things differently and make things better for us and you are not cooperating”. I know it will take lots of practice for me. I also am aware in my body how much better it feels to say to myself ” How can I help?” and come from the Active Listening approach and empathy then all the yelling I was trained to do before. I think about how my childhood would have been if these techniques were used on me and know how much work I have had to do on myself over the years to heal a lot of childhood pain. Seeing the fear in my children’s eyes when I yell or slam doors has been heartbreaking and I am beyond grateful for this resource, you all and the opportunity to do it differently. So far in just a little over a week of trying and knowing there are options I feel relieved. I feel hopeful. Thank you!

[Michelle Carnes]

Hello All,
I’m Michelle…a very tired and stressed single mommy of two beautiful children: Sawyer 4 and Jovie 3. I never thought I would parent the way my parents did..you know I am so much more evolved and aware. HA! Well for quite sometime I have known that I want and need to learn better ways of parenting. I am grateful to have found this group and tools and am looking forward to learning and growing. My kids just woke up from a two hour nap allowing Mommy to get the opportunity to review all of the week 1 material. A two hour nap for them is rare. Grateful I got the time in now off to practice. Thank you for being here and I look forward to getting to know everyone.

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