Claire Eccleston

[Claire Eccleston]

Thanks Wendy , you have hit the nail on the head ! When I grew up I was the oldest of 4 . The younger ones all had friends the same age loving next door , I was excluded from their games and mum and dad were working a lot. I had to be there to look after everyone but they were often off busy playing . Gee ,this course is bringing up so much , the greif and unmet needs of years past . Thank you for the articles . I do try to spend time with the big kids , nimai is easy but mirabelle often misses out due to Felix’s demands. I will try asking her about the changes for her with her brother coming along . I feel sad she misses out but mainly I worry for her and want her to feel cared about . I wanted to book her in with a beloved homeopath who she has worked with before but she didn’t want to . It’s hard trying to create the space to give her the time I would like to .we had planned for Sunday afternoons – I will endeavour to get this back on track .
Thanks again

[Claire Eccleston]

Hi, I love to receive active listening. I love the feeling of connection I have with my kids when i do it with them, however sometimes I find it really challenging when I feel under resourced, with my own back log, stress, listening to others all day etc. this highlights to me the need to feel up my own reserves in order to have the juice to mother well. Doing more active listening with the kids highlights my grief that my partner chooses not to actively listen.
I also feel at a loss as to how to actively listen to my 12 yr daughter when she seems to not want to talk. i may say ‘ how are you doing , you seem sad today ,or you seem frustrated ‘ and she often will say ‘im fine ‘ and go back into her bedroom. sometimes I try to do reflective listening around simple things and she says ‘ i want some quiet time now’. I’m aware teenagers maybe need to disconnect and I’m not sure how to be within this. i can say ‘ oh you need space , or some quiet time’ but this is what she seems to need alot of the time. she is becoming very reserved and I feel at a loss as to how to connect with her. Often when we try to connect the busy 2 yr old is needing attention also. I feel lonely sometimes in my home. The teenagers are in their rooms with the door closed ( often plugged in) and my parter is plugged in to. So I am grappling with my need for connection and their need for autonomy and quiet time. – I think my question is – how to connect with someone , or apply active listening when they dont want to engage and talk. i know I can just say ‘ i see you need some quiet time, im here to listen when your ready but i feel concerned she will just quietly become more and more insular and withdrawn.
Thanks again for the wonderful information and the space to share.

[Claire Eccleston]

Kia Ora, My name is Claire I am a mumma of 3 beautiful children, Nimai is 15yrs, Mirabelle 12 yrs and Felix 2 yrs. I am also a midwife, midwifery educator and pregnancy yoga teacher. My life and our house is super full and super busy. This is one of my main challenges. Having the time to be present with my kids.
when Nimai was 3 yrs I did a non violent communication for parenting course. We have been attempting to use these concepts over the years, however I am welcoming new learning and support as we face new parenting challenges.
I would like some support and guidance with supporting Nimai through his teenage years, boundaries, independence, consequences. His energy is like a big loud bouncing dalmation, lots of swearing, joy and wonderful confronting challenges, often around my own appropriate ( or inappropriate)behaviour- which is welcomed and appreciated.
I would like support with finding ways to stay connected and supportive for Mirabelle. I would also like some insights into the processes of teenage girls. Her journey seems so much more complex than Nimai’s. Over this year she seems to be getting more and more withdrawn and solemn. she doesn’t want to talk much and I’m finding it difficult to find new ways to connect with her that she enjoys and responds to. I’m worried that she is unhappy. she is very deep and thoughtful and I wonder what is going on in that deep well.
Felix is really busy two year old boy ! The other 2 were peaceful easy going kids, I had confidence that I was a pretty good mum, until….. .
My journey with Felix is fraught with lots of guilt. Guilt that I was busy in the pregnancy and his early babyhood. Guilt at not being able at times ( sometimes often) to meet his needs due to other demands of work, other children and household stuff. Then I realised my guilt was affecting my clarity around providing appropriate boundaries for him.Lately Felix is in a beautiful joyous space. He is playing so intensely.
so, a big sharing, lots going on. Toddler boundaries and teenage boundaries. I have read through the first week and I’m so grateful for these wonderful reminders to be gentle… to myself and my little ones.
Thank you for setting up such a wonderful supportive programme.
I’m looking forward to the following weeks ahead.

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