Thank you for that recording. It was spot on exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I wrote all the tools down and am posting them on my wall. So grateful to have found this type of parenting support.
Michelle, that’s so good to hear! And yes great idea to jot down the bits that stand out to you, repetition is the key with developing new patterns of thinking and responding.
I loved this! Thank you! I have been doing well, and losing it at the same time. It felt really good to have something to do when this happens: 1) repair 2) understand the meltdown to be a clue that I need to take care of my feelings and needs and reduce some stress.
I am so happy that I don’t have to be perfect!
Giving myself permission to say when I am not at my best. Bring honest open and vulnerable. For me being honest about one’s feelings, as a child, was not respected or valued. Being vulnerable was looked at as a weakness. Allowing myself time to decompress and stepping out of flight mode instead of ever on the alert that something will go wrong…..
My little boy said to me when I was losing my centre … “Mum, do the Bee breath.”
Me: What is the bee breath?
Archer: Put your fingers in your ears and listen to your breath.
I Don’t know where he got the fingers and the Bee from but so cute! We always talk about breathing to help centre.
I have the Run for the hills which means quicky lets get into nature… So we can re-centre.
Chores has/is a big trigger for me too, my mum used to rage around cleaning. Always feeling swamped and overwhelmed on her own. I can get a whirl that comes over me, and I can’t stay home or I will not be able to feel relaxed. So we ignore and leave the house for a fun day sometimes so I can reset or request help. I had to go on a cleaning strike for two weeks before I was able to communicate in a productive way to get the household ( including a teenager to help) not ideal but better than me doing it all and accumulating resentment. Still learning, and how to speak up.
Seonaid that’s so cute that little Archer reminded you to get centered. I can imagine the bee breath becoming a thing in your little clan, how lovely! And yes sounds like you did amazing to work through your feelings around the cleaning over that couple of weeks with the aim of being able to communicate your requests / feelings / needs around cleaning in a calm enough manner for the kids (big and small) to be able to take it in. Ongoing process work hey! <3
Seonaid, I recognise chores being a trigger as an echo of my own raging, cleaning mother. Also the whirl that descends over me in the moment, moving quickly with my head down, working almost manically to bust through as much as possible before the whole lot overwhelms me, all the while feeling unsupported and taken for granted because everyone else in the house has eyes to notice and hands to tidy with! I like your idea of stepping out of the triggering situation entirely and coming back to it with your cup more full. It’s not something I’ve ever tried, having chosen instead to stay in and get it all done so I don’t have to come back to it and wade through it when I’m more tired and have even more to fit in, but I now recognise the value in taking a break to reset, not just for myself but for my children!
That is so cool that you are trying out different ways of working with intense triggers and emotions.
What a treat to revisit this post. (Thank you, Genevieve, for noticing it for me) After today feeling triggered and overwhelmed by the mess and build-up and the feeling like it is all on me and how it never seems to change this is a good reminder and indication of this being an ongoing challenge.
Reminds me of a game we made up, a cool game called Robot tidy-up. We take turns making requests and giving direction to everyone and pretend to be robots. This helps the kids feel like I am not telling them what to do all the time they can also tell me what to do. I get their buy-in for tidy-up time and don’t feel so upset and burdened by all the mess.
Today I felt a storm building and then I wanted and or needed to vent at my partner. It is tricky to unravel the intensity of these feelings and work through how much of it is boundaries and needs needing support to meet. Taking space is so important for the storm to settle. I am curious to see what needs to be implemented for these feelings to not be so intense. I am wondering about finding ways to involve the family more with the organisation and systems in the family. We get such a build-up. When the house is in chaos it destabilises me eventually. Mission minimalist and sort and organise seems to be an ongoing one. I am hoping one day I will feel the space I imagine possible with more organisation and less clutter and better-designated spaces and systems.
Thank you for that recording. It was spot on exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I wrote all the tools down and am posting them on my wall. So grateful to have found this type of parenting support.
Michelle, that’s so good to hear! And yes great idea to jot down the bits that stand out to you, repetition is the key with developing new patterns of thinking and responding.
I loved this! Thank you! I have been doing well, and losing it at the same time. It felt really good to have something to do when this happens: 1) repair 2) understand the meltdown to be a clue that I need to take care of my feelings and needs and reduce some stress.
I am so happy that I don’t have to be perfect!
Giving myself permission to say when I am not at my best. Bring honest open and vulnerable. For me being honest about one’s feelings, as a child, was not respected or valued. Being vulnerable was looked at as a weakness. Allowing myself time to decompress and stepping out of flight mode instead of ever on the alert that something will go wrong…..
Oh, yes, giving oneself permission to be open and vulnerable is huge. Great insight!
My little boy said to me when I was losing my centre … “Mum, do the Bee breath.”
Me: What is the bee breath?
Archer: Put your fingers in your ears and listen to your breath.
I Don’t know where he got the fingers and the Bee from but so cute! We always talk about breathing to help centre.
I have the Run for the hills which means quicky lets get into nature… So we can re-centre.
Chores has/is a big trigger for me too, my mum used to rage around cleaning. Always feeling swamped and overwhelmed on her own. I can get a whirl that comes over me, and I can’t stay home or I will not be able to feel relaxed. So we ignore and leave the house for a fun day sometimes so I can reset or request help. I had to go on a cleaning strike for two weeks before I was able to communicate in a productive way to get the household ( including a teenager to help) not ideal but better than me doing it all and accumulating resentment. Still learning, and how to speak up.
Seonaid that’s so cute that little Archer reminded you to get centered. I can imagine the bee breath becoming a thing in your little clan, how lovely! And yes sounds like you did amazing to work through your feelings around the cleaning over that couple of weeks with the aim of being able to communicate your requests / feelings / needs around cleaning in a calm enough manner for the kids (big and small) to be able to take it in. Ongoing process work hey! <3
Seonaid, I recognise chores being a trigger as an echo of my own raging, cleaning mother. Also the whirl that descends over me in the moment, moving quickly with my head down, working almost manically to bust through as much as possible before the whole lot overwhelms me, all the while feeling unsupported and taken for granted because everyone else in the house has eyes to notice and hands to tidy with! I like your idea of stepping out of the triggering situation entirely and coming back to it with your cup more full. It’s not something I’ve ever tried, having chosen instead to stay in and get it all done so I don’t have to come back to it and wade through it when I’m more tired and have even more to fit in, but I now recognise the value in taking a break to reset, not just for myself but for my children!
Hi Marie,
That is so cool that you are trying out different ways of working with intense triggers and emotions.
What a treat to revisit this post. (Thank you, Genevieve, for noticing it for me) After today feeling triggered and overwhelmed by the mess and build-up and the feeling like it is all on me and how it never seems to change this is a good reminder and indication of this being an ongoing challenge.
Reminds me of a game we made up, a cool game called Robot tidy-up. We take turns making requests and giving direction to everyone and pretend to be robots. This helps the kids feel like I am not telling them what to do all the time they can also tell me what to do. I get their buy-in for tidy-up time and don’t feel so upset and burdened by all the mess.
Today I felt a storm building and then I wanted and or needed to vent at my partner. It is tricky to unravel the intensity of these feelings and work through how much of it is boundaries and needs needing support to meet. Taking space is so important for the storm to settle. I am curious to see what needs to be implemented for these feelings to not be so intense. I am wondering about finding ways to involve the family more with the organisation and systems in the family. We get such a build-up. When the house is in chaos it destabilises me eventually. Mission minimalist and sort and organise seems to be an ongoing one. I am hoping one day I will feel the space I imagine possible with more organisation and less clutter and better-designated spaces and systems.