Peaceful Parenting puts the focus on identifying the underlying feelings and unmet needs relating to out of balance behaviour. When we focus solely on the behaviour, we can miss the opportunity to tune in to and hence support our child on an emotional level.
This chart is a good one to print out as a quick reference to help parents or teachers tune in to the needs that may be driving certain behaviour, hence helping children regain balance and focus more easily. This approach is way more effective than using punishments or enforcing consequences.
Click here to learn more about the Peaceful Parenting Philosophy and Key Principles and tools. When the adult tunes in to and helps the child meet their underlying needs, they can begin to feel better, hence focus and behave better. This can also be useful in helping a parent to re-frame a challenging situation when the parent becomes emotionally charged and has the urge to choose actions that escalate a situation.
This chart is not intended to be diagnostic or to replace seeking professional help when needed, especially when a child’s behaviour fits with the behaviours described in the first box A most of the time. Most children will display a whole array of behaviours and perhaps some from each box in the first column most weeks, especially when they experience changes and big challenges.
But if your child’s behaviour is in the more extreme (Box A) much of the time, I would recommend you seek professional help. You can book a consultation with me to talk it all through and gain some strategies to work with and if I feel that it could be helpful to have your child accessed with a child psychologist, I will let you know. You may also wish to look into environmental factors like diet and allergens.
Many parents and teachers find that adopting this lens helps them maintain the warm connection and helps them move from the very stuck approach of trying to make a child change their ways, to beginning to explore how the child may be feeling and what they may be needing. When a parent adopts this more compassionate and creative approach, it tends to lead them down a whole new way of relating and to many factors that are contributing to the problems that they may not have otherwise seen.
Genevieve is a qualified Counsellor, a certified Level II Aware Parenting Instructor, parent educator and coach, writer and public speaker. She has been helping individuals, couples and families for twenty five years.
You might also like to read: When Peaceful Parenting Isn’t working, what’s missing?
Plus this list: “Basic Emotional Needs Checklist”
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