Peacefully parenting your strong willed child

Peacefully Parenting your Strong Willed Child Some parents have said that peaceful parenting wouldn’t work, or hasn’t worked, with their strong willed child, that they need a more strict approach.  And indeed each child is unique and each parent child relationship is both unique and complex.  Yet, I believe that peaceful parenting is especially important for Read More

To make your child very angry, tell them to “calm down”

Children are so often told to “calm down”. Have you been told to calm down as a child or an adult? And if so, how has it felt to you? What effect has it had on you and what was the message you received? To become more calm is so often what’s needed when a Read More

Setting limits can bring healing tears and tantrums

Setting limits can bring healing tears and tantrums It’s important to express the limits that prevent aggressive or destructive behaviour, and express the many requests that are part of getting things done on any one day, yet it doesn’t improve their behaviour or their emotional wellbeing if we’re critical, angry, harsh or punitive.  In fact, Read More

The pitfalls of obedience training

First published in The Natural Parent Magazine 2013. Who would want to train children to be obedient, when we can bring them up to be discerning, critical thinkers with a highly developed capacity for big picture thinking, for empathy for self and others and to value integrity and what feels right above the directions of Read More

Preserving our child’s innocence, restoring our own innocence

Every child deserves to not feel shamed by their parents. If your child feels free to show you their true feelings, if or when shaming inadvertently happens, they will show you their feelings (verbally or through their body language) and you can restore their dignity by owning and repairing what has happened. Alice Miller wrote: Read More

Grumpy children need our sweetness and nothing else will do

When children are upset and unsettled, they need empathy and connection before solutions or suggestions.  They need to get their feelings out and to see that we’re noticing and caring about those feelings.  From the smallest to the biggest problems, they need to see that we care before they can open to our suggestions, our Read More

Does your child take you seriously when you say “no”?

Children have a way of knowing when we mean what we say.  And they know when we don’t really mean what we say.  And sometimes they can become very confused and even insecure when we give mixed messages; our words say one thing, but our tone of voice and body language say another; “OK! Get Read More

Go Away! What to do when your child won’t LET you connect

First published in the Natural Parent Magazine, available in shops in New Zealand or Australia but can be ordered from anywhere in the world.  “No! Go away!”, “you don’t care!”, “Stop talking!” or the dreaded “I hate you!”  If your child has expressed anything similar to this, be assured that you’re not alone.  For many Read More

Child’s Feelings and Needs Chart

This chart gives some pointers that can be a quick reminder of some of the feelings that may be driving certain behaviours and furthermore some of the possible unmet needs that need to gain attention before the child can begin to feel better, hence act better. This can also be useful in helping a parent Read More